Commit dc5599e6 authored by David Revoy's avatar David Revoy 🎨
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[ep34] Generate an alpha transcript to ease feedback.

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# Transcript of Pepper&Carrot Episode 34 [en]
## Notes
Providing transcripts is optional for translators.
The Pepper&Carrot site will work fine without them,
but they help for accessibility, screen readers and language learners.
Read https://www.peppercarrot.com/en/static14/documentation&page=062_Transcripts
for more information and documentation.
## Pages
### P00
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Episode 34: The Graduation of Shichimi
### P01
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|The next day...
  • Why does this need to be the next day? It’s not a continuation of episode 33.

  • It is: for two reasons:

    • Pepper still has her disguisement from ep32/ep33
    • She doesn't have all her energy anymore (the "Spell of War" + the travel at hyper-speed took her a lot of Rea)
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<unknown>|2|False|... and now, we give Shichimi the Higher Degree of the school of Ah.
  • give → award? (But I think there’s an even better way to express this?)

  • ...and now we award Shichimi the Higher Degree of the School of Ah.

    (Though I'm not sure that "Higher Degree" works here. Maybe we'd need to figure out actual degrees of Ah. Nobody in an organization would say something like "higher degree". They'd say "college degree" or "black belt" or whatever the degree was.)

  • Yes, this one will require work. Shichimi doesn't receive here her graduation as only an official witch of Ah, she already had that (Pepper was very late in the group to be "official" witch). It should be something more. A "higher degree" graduation with my poor vocabulary that justify getting the school, the dragons, and almost a military ceremony.

    Shichimi is now at the same level of the close little group around Wasabi (eg. the one who give her the diploma on page 1).

    Supreme leader: Wasabi (three black horns, dress full white)
    Superior witches: Eight (sometime two horns, more than 50% white kimono) 
    Official aH witches: around 1200 (normal horns, two colors on kimono 30% white on Kimono) 
    Students: around 1400 (normal horns, single color, no white allowed)

    Panel 1 can be used for more text the ceremony host can tell.

  • Could have the listing be like the following:

    • High Priestess / Empress / Head Servitor - Wasabi
    • Daughters of Ah / Disciples of Ah / Circle of Eight
    • Messengers of Ah / Adepts of Ah
    • Acolytes of Ah / Children of Ah
  • I like the list of names you found @craigmaloney, I like the 'family' pattern.

    • High Priestess - Wasabi → (tempted by "Mother of Ah")
    • Daughters of Ah
    • Adepts of Ah
    • Children of Ah

    Maybe this page is the right time to introduce more background about the carreer of Shichimi, part of a ceremony intro. ("You started as a brillant Children of Ah exploring far away lands, then you became an exemplary Adepts of Ah and today we have the honnor to ... ... in the ).

    No problem with adding speechbubbles over large panel 1 to find room for that. But I have difficulties making something that can sound ceremonial, long enough to get a feeling of what's going on with this hierarchy and what Shichimi will get; and short enough to fit three speechbubbles/sentences.

  • I also thought of "emissary of Ah" for Wasabi, a title that shows she's the go-between between the physical manifestation of Ah and the spiritual manifestation of Ah. They're also used for intelligence gathering. So something like "Emissary" for Wasabi could be a title of great power and also hinting at the intelligence gathering of Ah (perhaps she's more doing the will of the spirit world than we think?)

    Regarding the ceremony:

    "Shichimi. When you came to us you began as one of the Children of Ah. We took you in, educated you, and taught you the ways of Ah. As a Child of Ah you showed immense progress and soon after you became our youngest Adept of Ah. You spirit shone brightly among your fellow Adepts. When asked who would join the Eight Daughters of Ah your name was at the top of the list. And so we welcome you, Shichmi, as our newest member to the Eight Daughters of Ah. May your spirit continue to shine brightly as one of the eight."

  • That's really cool, I like it, but with seven sentences, this would require to plug a page before page 1 to break that in something readers can digest. If it worth the effort, why not.

    I wonder if something like that could be condensed to three sentences and fit the two first panels of page 1.

  • I can do it in four.

    "Shichimi, when you came to us you began as one of the Children of Ah. As a Child of Ah you showed immense progress and soon after you became our youngest Adept of Ah. When asked who would join the Eight Daughters of Ah your name was at the top of the list. And so we welcome you, Shichmi, as our newest member to the Eight Daughters of Ah."

  • The text in itself is good, but I think infodumps in general is a bad thing. They hold up the action, and they’re just not any fun to read. The old show, don’t tell rule applies, especially for comics. And readers don’t need to know every bit of detail. Since Schichimi is awarded a degree (or membership), the reader can just accept that there probably is a very good reason for this (e.g., years of study, good exam results, …). So my recommendation is to just skip the introduction.

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • So I think ‘... and so we welcome you, Shichmi, as our newest member to the Eight Daughters of Ah.’ would be just fine as the first line of dialogue in this episode.

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • It's not quite an info-dump as it is a ceremony. It helps set the mood and the reverence of the scene. It also raises questions: who left the eight daughters of Ah? Why was Shichimi chosen? These sentences help set the tone and also give some leverage for other stories to emerge.

  • (Also yes, infodumps in general are terrible. If I never ever have to read how someone's FTL drive works I'll die happy. That said we need a little more background on why this is an important and respectful event for Shichimi and why she would feel the need to turn on Pepper rather than disobey Wasabi)

  • I think there is a big opportunity here to let the reader connect even more with Shichimi, the ceremony, immerse and learn about the school of Ah, and it can bring a lot of weight later when Shichimi is threatened to be excluded of the school. It can also weight-in her reaction.

    Proposal:

    Break page 1 into 2 and keep the ceremony speech made by Craig. Shichimi. When you came to us you began as one of the Children of Ah. We took you in, educated you, and taught you the ways of Ah. As a Child of Ah you showed immense progress and soon after you became our youngest Adept of Ah. You spirit shone brightly among your fellow Adepts. When asked who would join the Eight Daughters of Ah your name was at the top of the list. And so we welcome you, Shichmi, as our newest member to the Eight Daughters of Ah. May your spirit continue to shine brightly as one of the eight.

    But distribute it along a mosaic of flashback/memories (hehe, easier for me graphically; pencil watercolored). Showing also cute things: young kid Shichimi, young teenager traveler Shichimi, and wise practiser of Ah ; Shichimi. A cheesy montage maybe, but can be effective. What do you think about it?

    Layout:

    2021-02-19_screenshot_202153_net

  • I think the drawings themselves are enough to set mood and the reverence of the scene. It’s very clear that this is a big, formal ceremony. (Actually, even the episode title implies that this is an important event. But the drawings really shows the scale of it all.)

    And I really don’t see how these four sentences raises the questions you mentioned, at least not any more than the single last sentence does.

    BTW, when I first read this episode, I didn’t think it was strange that Schichimi turned on Pepper. So is any additional text/backstory actually necessary?

  • @Deevad I still don’t think the backstory is actually necessary, but a montage (with the text interleaved) would be immensely better than just the text.

  • I like the idea of montage, especially if it's so that the audience themselves can see it. Like some form of magical slideshow, getting some of the reactions of the characters.

    (Thinking of every embarrassing ceremony I've been to where they talk up someone and make it a multimedia display).

    (Ask me about the brick sometime).

  • BTW, when I first read this episode, I didn’t think it was strange that Shichimi turned on Pepper.

    I guess that depends on what opinions about Ah and Shichimi you had formed based on what has appeared in the comic so far (considering that most readers don't necessarily have the background of the wiki, previous discussions on Framagit, fan works like Nartance's, etc.).

    But whether or not it's strange, it's certainly meant to be shocking. One only has to look at Coriander's expression, or the fact Saffron seems to be in fight-or-flight mode given the fireball she conjures immediately. I'm not sure since I don't know the four-strip plan Deevad has alluded to, but I'd imagine this episode is to establish Wasabi as unambiguously villainous, and the institution of Ah by extension.

    So far Shichimi has complained to her friends about how strict and ascetic her apprenticeship has been, but I don't think they realised she was basically being inducted into a cult of personality (couched as the presentation was in a conversation also about the friend group's other various career problems).

  • After thinking on the problem more and thanks to your feedback @huftis , @craigmaloney and @ArloJamesBarnes; I think starting the episode with a montage (+ plug another page) and too many infos (list of education of Ah with new names) might be too dense to start the episode, and too noisy in background information. Also, it might balance the POV of the story too much to Shichimi (I quickly have to switch to Pepper after the intro).

    I'm thinking now about just fixing the one speechbubble original layout. I like the sentence with many commas of @craigmaloney , it gives a ceremony tone. As reader we catch the speech at the end; and we only need to know Shichimi gets more responsability; no need to introduce new names and concept. It would look like that:

    2021-02-19_screenshot_220237_net

    Only saying "Ah" out of nowhere here is already enough disorienting for reader and drop a new concept to learn (it even doesn't look like a name of a school in itself). "Youngest" I liked this term also in the text proposed: Shichimi is the still young for getting responsabilities.

    "high priest" might sound a bit less specific than designed title like "Daughter of Ah", but with a single speechbubble budget, we can't invent a hierarchy with its own labels and make the reader memorize it to reconstruct the level of Shichimi.

    I'm open to enhancement in this direction.

  • We can always rely on the wiki to do the heavy lifting of titles. I really like "Daughters of Ah". High Priest doesn't work in this case because a high priest tends to mean ruler, which she clearly isn't.

    Could use one speech bubble to give the tail end of the speech.

    First panel: "When asked which of the Adepts would join the Eight Daughters of Ah your name was at the top of the list."

    Second panel: "And so, today, we welcome you, Shichmi, as our newest and youngest member to the Daughters of Ah."

    Edited by Craig Maloney
  • @craigmaloney mm, too complex to me. Not ok to rely on wiki for information like this one.

    high priest tends to mean ruler

    Ha, good for me! That's the effect I'm looking for. Shichimi can now be a "general" of a part of the witch of Ah in case of a military conflict. Wasabi can count on the circle under her.

    The name of hierarchy with "Daughter of Ah" is poetic and can be terrifying with enough setup for such a rigid structure as I imagine it. But in a single or two speechbubble has no chance to convey this level of responsability (I'll need that for later).

  • The setup can come later. What does it mean to be a daughter of Ah? Did Shichimi get pulled into something she doesn't understand? Is her relationship with Pepper going to get more complicated because of this ritual? It's OK for the audience to be a little confused at first, but it also conveys depth and meaning. Otherwise it's just another graduation ceremony.

    It's OK to come into things with a little "In Media Res".

  • Shichimi can now be a "general" of a part of the witch of Ah in case of a military conflict. Wasabi can count on the circle under her.

    So then this ceremony is a bigger deal than a scholarly graduation, right? Perhaps the title should be something like 'The Ascension of Shichimi' or 'The Deputising of Shichimi' or the like. (I guess for Catholic bishops, by way of example, it's 'consecration'; but I don't think that fits here.)

    edit: I think the 'in medias res' point of Craig is a good one.

    Edited by Arlo James Barnes
  • "Daughters of Ah" doesn't tell me Shichimi can be in command. It could be the title of a Yoga group inside the school of Ah, sorry; it doesn't work for me.

    Again, I don't have anything with inserting decorative text labels; they are nice for giving ambiant and details about the world; but they require explanations and correct backstory to establish connections... (eg. a character explaining them, or a captain-obvious character telling "oh! that's the highest rank in Ah").

    All the readers needs to know for the speechbubble of this panels is:

    • We catch the end speech of a ceremony (at the moment where the host give the diploma).
    • Shichimi with this diploma will reach the top of her hierarchy (under Wasabi).

    I would like to focus on that; it's important for the mechanic of the episode and the one coming after that.

    @ArloJamesBarnes : yes, if the title "The graduation of Shichimi" doesn't imply this level, changing the title of the episode will be necessary.

  • I originally proposed "Disciples of Ah" because generally speaking in any order there are none closer than the disciples (Jesus had 'em, they show up in various martial arts disciplines.) It's unfortunate that the word has taken on a bit of second-fiddle meaning i later years because they're essentially the ones most trusted by a leader.

    "Guardians of Ah" could work, but unfortunately Disney kinda mucked that up with Guardians of the Galaxy. "Defenders of Ah" sounds like a video game.

    "Knights of Ah" could also work. Knights tend to be considered second-order pieces but King Arthur's Round Table had knights at the ready. They were his inner-circle and most trusted allies.

    (edit: also there are a history of women Knights as well. The game "King Arthur Pendragon" makes special note of this.)

    "Viscount of Ah". Yeah, no.

    Edited by Craig Maloney
  • a bit late on the subject but i've well read the main discussion in on what name to give to new schichimi's title in Ah. we'd like it represents the highest level bellow Wasabi and something around the military role.

    i was wondering if this title can't be around the dragon which i suppose are here for next episodes and are around the military aspect deevad mentions. what would be the title of the one who manages all the dragons which i suppose is the main defense of Ah? if I remember dragons was superior than all other magic schools before? don't know if there is a name which could mention: the one who talks to the dragon or goes in their head to manipulate them.

    by the way "high priest" sound ok it showes the level of the hierarchy but more in the "religion" way.

  • All the readers needs to know for the speechbubble of this panels is:

    • We catch the end speech of a ceremony (at the moment where the host give the diploma).
    • Shichimi with this diploma will reach the top of her hierarchy (under Wasabi).

    Perhaps Wasabi can just say this directly? Something like:

    You are now part of the highest order of [something].

    or

    […] awarded the highest degree of [something].

    (Or preferably something a bit more elegantly phrased. This was just a couple suggestions without much thought behind them 😄)

  • The longer Wasabi stays in the background the more menace and authority she exudes. She doesn't have to say anything; the rest of the school knows what's going on. She's just presiding over the ceremony. That she has to say anything at all is a disruption to the natural order of things. It would be like having one of the elders have to say something in a religious ceremony: that she speaks at all is shocking.

  • The longer Wasabi stays in the background the more menace and authority she exudes.

    I agree. I used the wrong name. 😳 I meant to say that [whoever presented the diploma] to Pepper should deliver the lines.

  • "Knights of Ah"

    @craigmaloney Oh, I like this one. 😍 Thank you for the exploration. That's a good option to evacuate the too religious "high priest" scheme and underline the military role. That would produce:

    And so, today, we welcome you, Shichimi, as our youngest Knight of Ah.

    I'm ok with it, but better to collect more feedbacks about it.

  • @valvin : 🐲 Oh the little family of the six white dragons are another story; they are hyper loyal to Wasabi, but not really part of the hierarchy of Ah (meaning, they are on top and got all the favors of Wasabi, for sure). I consider them as a special force and their pilots require a special training. Not something a 'Knight of Ah' would do, being a Pilot require a lot of guts and a taste for the risk. A contrario, a 'Knight of Ah' could manage a temple in Komona alone.

    Here are my notes for the dragons; it was useful just to be sure I make their first appearance on the panel one ok for later:

    The 6 dragons:
    ==============
    
    Teova: A very old female dragon, who bonded serious relation with Wasabi; 
           probably raised her, saved her, or something like that. (The 'how'
           is not super important for later main story).
    
    Arra:  A young female, last daughter of Teova, lighting fast one expert 
           in flying, totally raised by the witches of Ah.
    
    Duzi:  A strong warrior, son of Teova with zebras on his back. 
    
    Londa: The first daughter of Teova, magician, wise and mother of the geminis Vandri and Chandri.
    
    Vandri: A young male gemini dragons (brother Chandri), totally raised by the witches of Ah.
    
    Chandri: A young male gemini dragons (brother Vandri), totally raised by the witches of Ah.

    On short term, Arra will be very active (that's her at the end of ep34).

    2021-02-16_screenshot_184041_net

  • I like Knight of Ah it sounds military and corresponds to the definition you are looking for but a knight has a horse what about Schichimi? As I understand now she won't be in relation with dragon thanks to her title. Or it has an historical background for this title which was related to dragon or other animal a Knight of Ah had. But now it is not relevant but a respectful / powerful title.

  • Not all knights ride horses. Part of my inspiration for choosing Knight was The Masons and other such societies. Knights can be an honorific (think about many British and UK actors who are Sir such-and-such), but it's a title that comes from military service.

    Also part of the backstory could be that Wasabi changed the name of an existing group or made her own "honor guard" from the war. These are her closest advisors so having them be something like Knights who swear an oath to her and protect her.

  • Good.

    I think @valvin feedback was a possible difficulty at translating back Knight to French: 'Knight' = 'Chevalier' in French (and it has a root in 'Horse' = 'Cheval' mega-obvious as if they were called 'Horser' in English). But it's ok if we group it with 'order' for this translation "Chevalier de l'ordre de Ah" (Knight of the Order of Ah), imo.

  • 'Dracalier', ezpz (joke, not a serious proposal; for English there's also https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dragoon for combination cavalry/infantry, but that would be about the handlers' titles rather than Shichimi's)

    These are her closest advisors so having them be something like Knights who swear an oath to her and protect her.

    What about 'the youngest Sworn [of Ah]'? Then the title could be 'the Swearing-in of Shichimi'. (TIL 'forsworn' doesn't mean what I thought it did)

  • If anyone can use the word Dragoon and not immediately think of Panzer Dragoon I will eat my hat. 🎩

  • I think of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/soldado_de_cuera#Organization but it's a good point that if a word is similar to one used in real life, then the less specific it is, the better

  • @Deevad i think my reflexion was based on the translation of knight based on chess. It looks that chess translation is not so good. By the way if we use "Chevalier" and not "Cavalier" it sounds ok. I can see him/her without a horse / dragon and in addition corresponds to a noble title. Sorry for adding some confusion :)

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<unknown>|3|False|... Still no trace of Pepper?
<unknown>|4|False|None!
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<unknown>|5|False|It's a shame: she will miss Shichimi's speech
  • Too bad – she’ll miss Schichimi’s speech. (Though I’m not sure if ‘Too bad’ or ‘It’s a shame’ is better.)

  • Could even go with "She'd better hurry, she'll miss Shichimi's speech"

  • Or with an en-dash: She’d better hurry – she'll miss Shichimi’s speech.

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<unknown>|6|False|Thank you...
### P02
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Zio oOOOOO
<unknown>|2|False|Zioo O O O OO
<unknown>|3|False|Waaarning!
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<unknown>|4|False|Step aside!
  • ‘Make way!’? ‘Get out of the way!’?

    There’s also an interjection ‘Gangway!’ in English, but I’m not sure if this is appropriate here.

  • 'Incoming!' or 'Broom incoming!' might work. There's probably a customary way to express this in a society where magical flight is routine.

  • 'Incoming!' or 'Broom incoming!' might work. There's probably a customary way to express this in a society where magical flight is routine.

    I like ‘Incoming!’ (as the first word, i.e., instead of ‘Warning!’).

  • "Incoming!" is what I thought of first, but "Gangway!" also works. "Alert! Alert!" works, as does "Heads up!" or "Watch out!".

    Of those I prefer "Incoming!" the most.

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<unknown>|5|False|STEP A-SI-DE!!!
<unknown>|6|False|CR A S H!
<unknown>|7|False|Zioo O O O OO
<unknown>|8|False|Zioo O O O OO
<unknown>|9|False|Oopsie!
  • I'd go with "Whoops" instead of Oopsie. Oopsie sounds more like something Betty Boop would say.

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<unknown>|10|False|Nothing broken? Is everyone OK?
  • Switch these two sentences around? (Is everyone OK? Nothing broken?)

    (BTW, is she talking about broken bones or broken chairs/stuff?)

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • Yes, this is a word to word translation from "Rien de Cassé?" an common idiom in French after poeple fall from something. The original meaning is about bones broken. I'm sure English has a better expression for that.

    Ok to switch the sentences, btw.

  • "Is Everyone OK? Nothing Broken?" is how I'd phrase it.

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<unknown>|11|False|Pepper!
<unknown>|12|False|Hello Shichimi!
<unknown>|13|False|Sorry for my landing and late!
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<unknown>|14|False|I had some problems but it's a long story!
  • Comma after ‘but’.

  • The comma is unnecessary here. I had an editor once chastise me for using a lot of commas before but in a piece. The sentence before it doesn't warrant a comma.

  • No, the comma is necessary here, as it connects two independent/main clauses.

  • I'm not going to die over the presence or lack of a comma. 😀 If it's there then cool.

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<unknown>|15|False|Dear translator: if editing the soundFX is difficult, I made a special documentation here: https://www.peppercarrot.com/en/static14/documentation&page=055_Sound-Effect_translation
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### P03
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Is she one of your guests?
<unknown>|2|False|Yes, she is my friend, Pepper, everything is fine.
  • Yes, she’s my friend Pepper. Everything’s fine.

  • "Yes. [She|This] is my friend Pepper. Everything is fine."

    Prefer to use This here, because it sounds more natural.

  • I thought she was being formal with her master since she supplicates while addressing her and has that stylised 'Pepper of Chaosah' line later but if that wasn't intended then I agree that "she's my friend" flows better

  • To me, ‘She is my friend’ sounds better than ‘This is my friend’ in this context. ‘This is my friend’ sounds natural, but isn’t it what you would say when first presenting the friend to someone else and you initiate the dialogue? But if this persons first asks about the friend, e.g., by asking ‘Is she one of your guests?’, then ‘Yes, she is my friend Pepper’ (or she’s instead of she is) sound more natural to me than ‘Yes, this is my friend Pepper’.

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<unknown>|3|False|Are you ok Carrot?
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<unknown>|4|False|Sorry for the landing, I haven't mastered it yet while using hyper-speed.
  • Sorry for the landing. I haven’t yet mastered it when using hyper speed. (Though perhaps there should be a hyphen in hyper-speed? BTW, is this supposed to be a specific type of (fast) speed (like warp speed), or is she just saying that she was travelling at high speed?)

  • Hyper-speed: This is a spell she uses to get this aura and fly faster than what a usual broom can do. Maybe we can find here a better name that would convey that.

    Hyphen: Yes a hyphen would be better but I don't have the symbol on my keyboard, so I use commonly the '-' minus symbol (same mistake I do for the "..." everywhere). I have to learn how to enter them; if you have any tips, I'll take them.

    Edited by David Revoy
  • @Deevad About the hyphen: What I meant was that I wasn’t sure if it should be ‘hyper speed’ or ‘hyper-speed’.

    But the character you used as a hyphen is correct. The normal hyphen-minus character (-) that’s easily accessible on the keyboard is the correct character to use for hyphens. Perhaps you were thinking of the en-dash (–)? That would actually be incorrect to use here. (Rule of thumb: Use hyphens to combine things/words – and en-dashes to separate them.)

    BTW, on my Linux keyboard, I can write an en-dash by holding the right Alt key (called Alt Gr on my keyboard) and pressing the normal hyphen character (on the main keyboard, not the numeric keyboard on the right). I think this should also work for several other (European) keyboard layouts.

  • Thank you for the hyphen how-to and rules. Precious!

    About ‘hyper speed’ VS ‘hyper-speed’, I thought making it to a single word would help at noticing it is a spell and not only speaking about a high speed level.

  • Hm, a lot of the spells so far haven't been named unless you count referring to it by the incantation (a.k.a. the dog Latin ones like Brasero Intensia) with the exception of the Chaosahn Black Hole. So there doesn't seem to yet be a 'style guide' for making spell names seem...spell-y. Maybe if an unusual word is used, like expeditious-speed or dashing-speed? And capitalising it can make it seem like a proper noun -- a thing rather than a general description or category of things. Of course the translations will have to do whatever works best in their languages.

    Edited by Arlo James Barnes
  • About ‘hyper speed’ VS ‘hyper-speed’, I thought making it to a single word would help at noticing it is a spell and not only speaking about a high speed level.

    I’ve seen a ‘haste’ spell used in a few games (to increase the speed of a character).

  • I'm torn on what to call this. Hyper-Speed just doesn't grab me as something that fits, but I'm having a heck of a time thinking of something else that might work and not sound equally off. "Haste" is a good one, but it also feels a little over-used. Need to give this some more thought.

  • Yeah, Haste strikes me as a DnDism

  • Supersonic Speed, do you like it?

    Over the week-end, I started to enjoy it more and more, because it has probably this semantic bounded with physic and refer directly to a range of speed: 343.2 m/s (1,126 ft/s; 768 mph; 667.1 kn; 1,236 km/h , src Supersonic speed). That could also match the load sound caused by air-friction, tells more why Pepper struggle with mastering it even if she fly with a broom since she is probably ten. Arra (female dragon at the end) is also a supersonic Dragon, and as you can probably guess ep35 will be mostly a chasing episode.

  • How about "Lightning speed"?

  • "Lightning speed" could works; not to be taken literal (that would be too fast) but in a affectious way Pepper call her fastest mix of spell and flying skill.

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<unknown>|5|False|...and again sorry to all for the inconvenience
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<unknown>|6|False|...and for my clothing.
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<unknown>|7|False|Shichimi,
<unknown>|8|False|this young witch who has just arrived... is she really a friend of yours?
  • Remove the word ‘has’?

  • It works if Wasabi has a habit of speaking formally, otherwise I'd agree that it's extraneous.

  • I'd keep the "has" and remove the "just".

    "this young witch who has arrived... is she really a friend of yours?"

    Either remove the just or the has. Both of them together don't feel right.

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### P04
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Yes your highness.
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<unknown>|2|False|Her name is Pepper of the Chaosah School.
  • Is that really her name? Change it to either

    Her name is Pepper, and she’s of the Chaoash School.

    or

    Her name is Pepper, and she belongs to [is a follower of?] the Chaoash School.

    or

    She is Pepper of the Chaosah School.

    ? (I prefer the last suggestion.)

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • Right, I can see how the second proposition disambiguates the situation and works better here.

  • BTW, should it be ‘the Chaosash School’ or the ‘the Chaosash school’?

  • https://peppercarrot.com/en/article379 has 'School of Hippiah Witchcraft', but it was on a sign so title case rules are probably used.

  • "Her name is Pepper, from the School of Chaosah." sounds more natural.

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<unknown>|3|False|Her very presence here pollutes the sacred nature of our school.
  • Remove the superfluous word ‘here’?

  • Alt: "Her presence here pollutes the sacred nature of our school".

    Agree though, having the "very" and "here" in the same sentence doesn't work.

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<unknown>|4|False|Put her out of my sight immediately.
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<unknown>|5|False|Master Wasabi...
<unknown>|6|False|But...
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<unknown>|7|False|Any comment?
  • "Any Comment?" is a little too terse here. Something more direct like "Do it." raises the conflict. I know you're looking for something like "You doubt me?" or "Do you question me?", but the panel doesn't have enough space for that sentiment.

  • "Any Comment?" is a little too terse here. Something more direct like "Do it." raises the conflict. I know you're looking for something like "You doubt me?" or "Do you question me?", but the panel doesn't have enough space for that sentiment.

    Hm, ‘Any objections?’? But I also like ‘Do it.’

    BTW, her facial expression looks a bit strange here, @Deevad. She is almost smiling, in a kind (i.e., not evil/mean/dominating) way. It doesn’t fit with the ‘Or would you prefer to be banned from our school?’ line.

  • I had trouble translating what I wanted here; Wasabi making fun of Shichimi in the style of "Oh, you protest?" but then I saw at translating my prototype (from fr>en) 'Protest' in English was really connected to the Demonstration... not really what I wanted. I wanted probably something like "oh, you do an act of rebel? how cute...". Her facial expression here was a display of showing she is enjoying being cruel.

  • Yes, ‘enjoying being cruel’ is the face expression (a smirk or a sneer?) I think fits the text. But I don’t see that in the current drawing. (Perhaps it’s easier to see when it’s in colour?)

    Regarding the text, how about

    You object?

    (and remove the ‘Or’ at the beginning of the next line)?

  • I don't think there's enough space to work in anything clever to convey "Oh, you defy me? How cute." Having something more direct here can also show the cruelty. "Do it, or there will be consequences". Much like a parent making their child do something they don't want that will end badly for them.

  • How about: "But what?", echoing Shishimi's "But..."

    Edited by GunChleoc
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<unknown>|8|False|Or would you prefer to be banned from our school?
  • Prefer "excommunicated" over banned. Banned is a more modern term.

  • Prefer "excommunicated" over banned. Banned is a more modern term.

    I know it’s not exactly a ‘school type of school’, but could expelled work here?

  • Expelled doesn't carry the same weight as excommunicated. In a school sense it seems like a life sentence, but sadly being expelled in USA schools is not uncommon (much like my generation made getting suspended from school not quite the punishment that it should be. I blame The Breakfast Club (😉 ). Excommunicated feels more dire because that is getting part of your life removed. It does have religious overtones, but in some ways Ah is the most religious of the schools we've seen thus far.

    "Banished" would be the more secular form of this. Perhaps that's more true to what was intended without the gaming overtones.

  • +1 for banished

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<unknown>|9|False|! ! !
### P05
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Sorry Pepper, but you have to leave.
  • "Sorry Pepper, but you need to leave." is more direct.

    or "Sorry Pepper, but you'll have to leave" if she's trying to waffle a little bit.

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<unknown>|2|False|Now.
<unknown>|3|False|Huh?
<unknown>|4|False|Hop hop hop! Minute! I'm sure there is a misunderstanding here.
  • The ‘Hop hop hop’, is that meant to mimic the sound you make when you mean ‘Stop right there!’ or ‘Hold on a minute’?

    there is → there’s

  • Ha true. typical translation from French and our long list of sounds of mouth that compress sentences. "Hop! Hop! Hop! Minute!" = "Hold on a minute".

  • English has maybe the similar "whoa, whoa, whoa!" or popular nowadays "hol' up!" but they're both kind of rude, or at least not a familiar form of address. I mean obviously Shichimi is being excessively rude but I imagine Pepper might say something more like "Let's just stop for a second" or yeah, "hold on a moment" works also

  • I also think just saying "Minute" sounds weird - I would change it to "Wait a minute".

  • "Hey hey hey, wait a minute! I'm sure there's a misunderstanding" sounds more colloquial.

  • "Hey hey hey, wait a minute! I'm sure there's a misunderstanding" sounds more colloquial.

    Looking at the drawing, I don’t think her facial expression fits with the ‘Hey hey hey’ (or French ‘Hop hop hop’) interjection, @Deevad. She looks surprised or confused, i.e. not fully on top of the situation. Is this the type of situation where you would say ‘Hey hey hey’/‘Hop hop hop’? Shouldn’t she look a bit more self-assured?

  • "Hey Hey Hey" would be used for getting attention and getting folks to stop what they're doing. It can also reflect her more rural origin. "Hey Hey Hey" would be the equivalent of "excuse me?" or "I beg your pardon?" in more upper-class speech.

  • "Hey Hey Hey" would be used for getting attention and getting folks to stop what they're doing.

    Yes, I agree that the text is OK, but I don’t think the drawing (facial expression and pose) matches the text very well. But perhaps that’s just me?

  • @craigmaloney I just thought of something. Can ‘Whoa!’ or ‘Whoa there!’ work as an alternative to ‘Hey hey hey!’?

  • I just thought of something. Can ‘Whoa!’ or ‘Whoa there!’ work as an alternative to ‘Hey hey hey!’?

    Sorry, I see that @ArloJamesBarnes has already suggested ‘Whoa’.

  • Yeah, it could work, but the repetition of "Hey Hey Hey" gives it a sense of urgency and wanting the whole situation to end.

  • I like both "Hey hey hey, wait a minute!" and "whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute!".

    also reflect her more rural origin

    Yes! It's important to keep Pepper getting this tone. She might read a lot of books about magic, she is still educated by the three witches of Chaosah and from the village of "Squirrel's End".

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<unknown>|5|False|Please Pepper, go away without fuss...
  • Please, Pepper, don’t make a fuss; just leave...

    ?

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • On my French prototype; I had "N'en fait pas tout une histoire" long and I could translate word for word by "Don't build-up a long story out of it", an idiom probably to convey when someone is in position to excessively complain or build-up drama to an unpleasant situation. I found the English "Don't make a fuss"; I wasn't really familiar with this expression.

    Adding "just leave..." is ok.

  • More idiomatic would be "don't make a scene" but fuss works as well.

  • I think it should be "Without a fuss" (or "without making a fuss").

  • Another would be "don't make this difficult" but I'm still coming back to "Don't make a scene" (especially because at Coriander's Coronation Pepper and her godmothers did make a scene).

    Edited by Craig Maloney
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<unknown>|6|False|He you there on your throne, if you have a problem with me, come and tell me yourself!
  • Hey, you there on the throne! If you have a problem with me, come [down?] and tell it to me face!

  • *my face, or "come down and face me yourself"

  • *my face, or "come down and face me yourself"

    Yes, I of course meant ‘tell it to my face’ instead of ‘tell it to me face’ 😳.

    Regarding ‘come and face me yourself’, doesn’t this sound a bit like she’s trying to start a fight?

  • "Hey! You there, on the throne. If you have problems with me come down and tell me yourself!"

    (That would be how I'd work-through what's there).

    The "come and tell it to my face" is something that is really confrontational, usually at a bar when someone is drunk. I'm not sure it's as appropriate here.)

  • If you have a problem

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<unknown>|7|False|Tsss...
<unknown>|8|False|Shichimi, you have ten seconds...
<unknown>|9|False|nine...
<unknown>|10|False|eight...
<unknown>|11|False|seven...
<unknown>|12|False|ENOUGH PEPPER, GO AWAY !!!
  • Comma after ENOUGH. Remove space before ‘!!!’.

  • "ENOUGH! PEPPER, GO AWAY!!!" or

    "ENOUGH, PEPPER! GO AWAY!!!"

    Depends on whether Shichimi is complaining about the fight between Pepper and Wasabi or if she's just telling Pepper to shut up and go away.

  • "ENOUGH! PEPPER, GO AWAY!!!" or

    "ENOUGH, PEPPER! GO AWAY!!!"

    Depends on whether Shichimi is complaining about the fight between Pepper and Wasabi or if she's just telling Pepper to shut up and go away.

    My interpretation is that she is annoyed with Pepper (who disturbs/ruin the ceremony, which is very important to her). So the second variant is the correct one. @Deevad?

  • Cut it out! Enough already! Beat it!

  • @craigmaloney and @huftis : she's just exploding and tell Pepper to shut up and go away; it has nothing to do with Pepper disturbing the ceremony (Shichimi knows how chaotic Pepper is and love it, she was happy to see Pepper even if she would have came inside a hurricane). But Shichimi is surprised her friend doesn't see how serious is the situation. Wasabi has full authority on Shichimi, while Pepper doesn't feel concerned (and has a problem with authority adding to that, she addresses directly to Wasabi). Shichimi explodes because she can't even imagine someone discussing Wasabi's words and being bannished would be worst for her.

    I'll go for : ENOUGH, PEPPER! GO AWAY!!!

    @gunchleoc : I'll pick "go away" because it sounds easier for poeple like me with limited vocabulary. I'm familiar to "Beat it!" only thanks M.Jackson's song. 😄

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<unknown>|13|False|SHRRIiii!
### P06
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|B ADuuM!
<unknown>|2|False|Shichimi, please calm d...
<unknown>|3|False|GO AWAY!!!
<unknown>|4|False|GO AWAY!!!
<unknown>|5|False|GO AWAY!!!
<unknown>|6|False|C R E E E E E! !!
<unknown>|7|False|Ooutch!
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<unknown>|8|False|He! That's... n-NOT... outch... nice!
  • Strangely, expressions of mild pain seem to have standardised in English to 'ouch' (no t). I don't really know why.

  • I'd go with "Owww" here for expressing pain. Then it would be "Hey! That's not (ow) nice"

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<unknown>|9|False|Hmm!
<unknown>|10|False|Grrr!
<unknown>|11|False|...You will have deserved it!
  • You deserve it!

    ? Or:

    It’s your own fault!

    Or:

    You brought this on yourself!

    or something like that?

  • I'd restate it as "OK, you asked for it!" rather than "you deserved it".

    Deserved is more for something that has already happened and as an explanation of what occurred.

  • You asked for it!

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<unknown>|12|False|B R Z OO!!
### P07
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|CURSUS CANCELARE MAXIMUS !!!
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<unknown>|2|False|S H K L AK!
<unknown>|3|False|Outch!...
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<unknown>|4|False|P AF !!
<unknown>|5|False|Even your maximum cancellation spell had no effect on me!
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<unknown>|6|False|Give up Pepper , and go away!
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<unknown>|7|False|Do not make me hurt you more!
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<unknown>|8|False|Oh, my spell worked out really well, except you weren't the target.
  • Oh, the spell worked really well – but you weren’t the target!

  • "Oh, my cancellation spell worked, but you weren't the target". (restate what the spell was since we're a few frames from the original spell name and intent.)

  • ... my cancellation spell worked just fine, ...

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<unknown>|9|False|What do you mean?!
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### P08
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|?!!
<unknown>|2|False|My target was her!
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<unknown>|3|False|I just canceled her spell which keeps her looking like a young woman when she is no longer the case!
  • I just canceled the spell which keeps her looking young!

    (Keep it short. It’s implied that she’s really an old hag.)

  • Interesting shortcut.

  • "I just canceled her Glamour Spell, which keeps her looking young".

    (Glamour spells are common in witchcraft for changing one's appearance. Also giving it a name means that Pepper would know how to defeat a particular spell).

  • I would even just write "I undid her glamour spell" - we can see that she looked young before and old now. But if not, change "while she is no longer the case" to "while it is no longer the case".

  • I agree that it’s not necessary to specify the effect of the glamour spell, as it’s obvious from the drawings.

  • Stating it helps the audience. It'll be obvious from the drawing, but having the extra effect will give it some more clarity.

    "I just canceled her Glamour Spell, which keeps her looking young".

  • Perhaps this and the next two lines could be reordered?

    "I noticed when I first arrived that she was using Glamour. Undoing it wasn't a major feat, but it's my little way of paying her back for making Shichimi fight me." (or something less fiddly than that)

  • That's good. I would keep "Glamour spell" and not Glamour alone @ArloJamesBarnes .

    A part of me is always affraid that a part of audience will think Pepper made Wasabi older or uglier (and skip it reveals her real age). Is it justified?

  • That's a valid concern. Maybe the drawing and coloring can make it look more like she's restoring a facade rather than undoing damage.

  • I (now) think that the text needs to be explicit about Pepper removing a spell/enchantment. If not, it’s very easy to think that she cast a spell to make Wasabi ugly.

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<unknown>|4|False|I immediately saw this detail when I arrived.
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<unknown>|5|False|it's perhaps not much, but THIS is for forcing Shichimi to fight against me!
  • This doesn’t sound natural to me. ‘It’s not much’ is something you would say when, e.g., presenting a cheap gift to someone (because you couldn’t afford a better / more expensive one).

    But I’m no sure how best to express the sentence.

  • Yes, it comes from my FR prototype; "C'est peut-être pas grand chose".

    Maybe English has a way to introduce a small fight back. ("take that! it's not a lot, but take that anyway!" tells the angry mouse fighting the foot of a elephant)

  • "It's not a lot, but it's payback for forcing Shichimi to fight against me."

  • I actually got confused by this line, because I though the "this" refers to Pepper noticing that Wasabi is older than she looks, which is obviously nonsensical haha

    I might write this as "Now that you've got Shichimi against me, you gotta pay back!".

    Edited by parnikkapore
  • I might write this as "Now that you've got Shichimi against me, you gotta pay back!".

    Hmm. I think this makes Pepper sound too vengeful, almost evil.

  • On reflection: "It's not much, but it's payback for forcing Shichimi to fight against me." is what I might say.

  • On reflection: "It's not much, but it's payback for forcing Shichimi to fight against me." is what I might say.

    Hm. Not matter how it’s phrased, I don’t think this speech bubble sounds completely natural in English. (And I don’t know how I’m going to translate it to sound natural in Norwegian either.)

    Can perhaps the text be changed to something completely different? Something that doesn’t make Pepper sound so much like a person who just acts out of spite?

  • It's not going to be natural for a person to say this, but it's expected for a character to say this.

    In real-life I would say "It's (a small token of) what you deserve for making Shichimi fight me (and then add some more local color and a few epithets that can't be repeated)."

  • I mean, she did basically act out of spite; or more charitably, to expose Wasabi as a deceiver and reduce her support among her followers (in which case both Wasabi and Pepper would be invoking the 'beautiful people are trustworthy / ugly people cannot be trusted' trope).

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<unknown>|6|False|INSOLANT!
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<unknown>|7|False|How dare you ?!
  • Get rid of the space before the punctuation.

  • Yep, I really have to take care to not reproduce this issue. I read to much FR comics, that why my visual culture always put this space. Without it, it feels to close. I have to control this tendency while writing English contents.

  • I'd combine them with a comma:

    "How DARE you,

    and in front of my whole school!"

    Edited by Craig Maloney
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<unknown>|8|False|in front of my whole school!
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<unknown>|9|False|Consider yourself lucky!
<unknown>|10|False|I would have had all my energy, I would have gone much further.
  • If I had all my energy[?], I would have gone much further?

    (or ’things would have looked much worse?’, or something like that?)

  • "If I had all of my (energy|strength|Rea) I would have gone much further."

    "If I had all of my (energy|strength|Rea) I wouldn't have stopped there." (more threatening).

    Edited by Craig Maloney
  • "If I had all of my (energy|strength|Rea) I would have gone much further."

    "If I had all of my (energy|strength|Rea) I wouldn't have stopped there." (more threatening).

    I like/prefer ‘I wouldn’t have stopped there’.

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### P09
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|DR Z OW!!
<unknown>|2|False|I see, you seem to have arrived at the level of your predecessors a little earlier than I expected....
  • I see. You seem to have reached the level of your predecessors […]

  • "I see. You (seem to) have reached the level of your predecessors much earlier than I [expected|anticipated]."

    I'd pull out the "seem to" as it's unnecessary.

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<unknown>|3|False|This precipitates my plans a bit but it's a good thing!
  • Comma before ‘but’.

  • And perhaps change “it’s“ into “that’s”?

  • precipitates makes me think she's about to bring rain. 🌈

    "This accelerates my plans, but no matter." (That's not important right now)

    "This accelerates my plans, but this is good news." (Happy that this detail was revealed).

    "This is good, as it accelerates my plans". (Adds the menace at the end).

  • precipitates makes me think she's about to bring rain. 🌈

    Ha, I too was thinking of rain when I first read it! 😄 However, according to the dictionary, precipitate is the correct word to use here (and doesn’t mean rain when used with an object). But I guess ‘accelerate’ works too.

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<unknown>|4|False|Your plans?...
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<unknown>|5|False|So I understood correctly; you were testing me and it had nothing to do with my delay...
  • If I understand you correctly, you were just testing me, and it had nothing to do with me being late?

  • "So, if I'm understanding you correctly you were testing me and this had nothing to do with me being late?"

  • Don't tell me you were just testing...

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<unknown>|6|False|You are really twisted!
  • You are really off your rocker!

  • Haha, TIL: https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/off+your+rocker, thank you. I'll probably keep "twisted" for alpha2 (probably because I like the FR translation "tordue" and idom translation is interesting but difficult).

  • If you like my suggestion for the English version, you could add a comment for translators to help them translate the idiom.

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<unknown>|7|False|tee...
<unknown>|8|False|hee.
<unknown>|9|False|WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?!!
<unknown>|10|False|I JUST GOT ATTACKED AND YOU ARE ALL JUST STANDING HERE ?!! CATCH HER!!!
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<unknown>|11|False|I WANT HER ALIVE!
<unknown>|12|False|CATCH-HER!!!
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<unknown>|13|False|Shichimi, we will talk about this later!
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<unknown>|14|False|Carrot, hold on tight, I'm sorry but we have no choice but to take off at high speed ...
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<unknown>|15|False|Tap!
<unknown>|16|False|Tap!
<unknown>|17|False|Ziioo OO!!
### P10
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|? !
<unknown>|2|False|CATCH-HER!!!
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<unknown>|3|False|...Oh dear.
<unknown>|4|False|Pepper, take my broom!
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<unknown>|5|False|Fizzz!
<unknown>|6|False|...Oh wow! Thank you Safron!
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<unknown>|7|False|Toc!
<unknown>|8|False|zioo O O O O!!
<unknown>|9|False|TO BE CONTINUED...
### P11
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|You too can become a patron of Pepper&Carrot and get your name here!
<unknown>|2|False|Pepper&Carrot is entirely free(libre), open-source and sponsored thanks to the patronage of its readers.
  • Pepper&Carrot is entirely free(libre)

    There really should be a space between ‘free’ and ‘(libre)’. Or it should be written as ‘free/libre’. But I guess this text applies to all the episodes.

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<unknown>|3|False|For this episode, thanks go to %%%% patrons!
<unknown>|4|False|Check www.peppercarrot.com for more info!
<unknown>|5|False|We are on Patreon, Tipeee, PayPal, Liberapay ...and more!
<unknown>|6|False|Thank you!
<unknown>|7|False|Did you know?
<unknown>|8|False|March xx, 2021 Art & scenario: David Revoy. Beta readers: (to update) Arlo James Barnes, Craig Maloney, GunChleoc, Hyperbolic Pain, Karl Ove Hufthammer, Martin Disch, Nicolas Artance, Quetzal2, Valvin. English version (original version) Proofreading: (to update) Craig Maloney, GunChleoc, Karl Ove Hufthammer, Martin Disch. . Special thanks: to Nartance for exploring Wasabi character in his fan-fiction novels. The way he imagined her for sure had a big impact on my way to depict her in this episode. Based on the universe of Hereva Creator: David Revoy. Lead maintainer: Craig Maloney. Writers: Craig Maloney, Nartance, Scribblemaniac, Valvin. Correctors: Willem Sonke, Moini, Hali, CGand, Alex Gryson . Software: Krita 4.4.1, Inkscape 1.0.2 on Kubuntu Linux 20.04. License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0. www.peppercarrot.com
<unknown>|9|False|NOTE FOR TRANSLATORS Replace this section, e.g.: French version Translation: My Name. Proofreading: Other Name.
<unknown>|10|False|You can also translate this page if you want.
<unknown>|11|False|Beta readers help with the story, proofreaders give feedback about the text.
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