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[ep34] Transcript for proofreading: alpha2

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# Transcript of Pepper&Carrot Episode 34 [en]
## Notes
Providing transcripts is optional for translators.
The Pepper&Carrot site will work fine without them,
but they help for accessibility, screen readers and language learners.
Read https://www.peppercarrot.com/en/static14/documentation&page=062_Transcripts
for more information and documentation.
## Pages
### P00
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Episode 34: The Promotion of Shichimi
  • Could use "knighting" here, since she's becoming a knight.

  • Perfect.

    (IRC) [22:08] looking forward to the comments about her not having armor

    You're welcome:

    2021-02-22_screenshot_221610_net

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### P01
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|... And so, tonight, we welcome you, Shichimi, as our youngest Knight of Ah.
  • If the dots indicate that this is the end of a longer sentence, the ‘And’ should be ‘and’. If not, get rid of the dots?

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<unknown>|2|False|... Still no trace of Pepper?
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<unknown>|3|False|Not yet.
<unknown>|4|False|She'd better hurry, she'll miss Shichimi's speech
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<unknown>|5|False|Thank you...
  • Thank you.

  • I think the ... are there to signal that she's being interrupted by Pepper's arrival. How about:

    Thank you, I...

    or:

    Thank you for...

    Edited by GunChleoc
  • Yeah, something like "Thank you. I'd like to ..." would work here.

  • I like the

    Thank you for...

    It sounds like she'll start a flat speech and she will be interupted. Smoother than "Thank you. I'd like to ..." in two sentences with already an interuption.

  • It sounds like she'll start a flat speech and she will be interupted. Smoother than "Thank you. I'd like to ..." in two sentences with already an interuption.

    Hm. I actually prefer ‘Thank you. I...’ or ‘Thank you. I'd like to...’. I can’t imagine what she’s about to say when she says ‘Thank you for...’.

  • Maybe she wants to say something along the lines of "Thank you for granting me that honor". I think it works well and for me it feels smoother and fits better into the relatively small panel compared to 1.5 sentences.

  • "I'd like to thank --"

  • Shichimi starting her speech directly by I'd like to thank... is the first thing I tried; but it wasn't working with her sad eyes: it was sounding as she couldn't end her sentence because not knowing who to thank.

    So, I'll go here for alpha3 with the Thank you. I'd like to... split in two bubbles Because I like the Thank you after receiving the Knighting, it sounds the right things to do after receiving the horn; and then the I'd like to... sentence feels obviously uncomplete so it is more clear she will get interupted by something.

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### P02
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Zio oOOOOO
<unknown>|2|False|Zioo O O O OO
<unknown>|3|False|Incoming!
<unknown>|4|False|Watch out!
<unknown>|5|False|WATCH OUT!!!
<unknown>|6|False|CR A S H!
<unknown>|7|False|Zioo O O O OO
<unknown>|8|False|Zioo O O O OO
<unknown>|9|False|Whoops!
<unknown>|10|False|Is Everyone OK? Nothing Broken?
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<unknown>|11|False|Pepper!
<unknown>|12|False|Hello Shichimi!
<unknown>|13|False|Sorry for the abrupt landing and for being late!
  • Sorry for the [quick|short|sloppy] landing and for being late!

  • I like sloppy, or maybe "Sorry for the dramatic entrance and for being late!"

    Edited by Martin Disch
  • I too like ‘sloppy’.

  • "Sorry for the dramatic entrance and for being late!"

    @martindisch : Good, I'll move to this one (too bad, I liked too the "sloppy" word). It's better she apologizes to Shichimi about the entrance (end result effect) than about the landing (a technical aspect of her entrance). She'll excuses to Carrot after for the landing as you noted, so it's also covered.

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<unknown>|14|False|I had some problems, but it's a long story!
  • I had a spot of trouble, but that's a long story!

  • And perhaps end with an ellipsis (...) instead of an exclamation mark?

  • +1 for ellipsis. Maybe you could also go with "I ran into some trouble,".

  • 'a spot of trouble' was a good expression, but I'll use 'trouble' a couple of speechbubble later in "And again sorry to everyone for the trouble...", so, I'll use "problems" in this one for the variety of words.

  • If you want to avoid "trouble" twice, how about:

    And again sorry to everyone for the disturbance...

  • How about "I lost track of time", or "I've been running all morning", or "I've been through a war"

  • I've been running all morning

    I like the direct reference to previous episode and how it works also for the one who haven't saw it. Feel free to repropose it ; I'm posting alpha3 in a minute.

  • It also has a subtle double meaning. "running all morning" means that the morning is busy, but in Pepper's case she's literally been running all morning. 😀

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<unknown>|15|False|Dear translator: if editing the soundFX is difficult, I made a special documentation here: https://www.peppercarrot.com/en/static14/documentation&page=055_Sound-Effect_translation
### P03
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Is she one of your guests?
<unknown>|2|False|Yes. She is my friend Pepper. Everything is fine.
<unknown>|3|False|Carrot, are you OK?
<unknown>|4|False|Sorry for the landing. I haven’t yet mastered it when using Lightning Speed.
  • I haven't mastered it yet

  • Is there are reason Lightning Speed is written with a capital L and S?

  • Proper name for a spell. We might decide not to make it a proper name and write it in lower case instead. I have no strong feelings on the issue.

  • Since she already apologized for the landing a couple of sentences ago, the word "landing" seems a bit repetitive. Although if you go with "Sorry for the dramatic entrance" two panels ago, that wouldn't be an issue (tooting my own horn here 😉)

  • Personally, I actually think "hyperspeed" was better than "Lightning Speed". To me the capital letters + italics + the special name feels a bit over the top. Unless this is a really special spell, I would stick with "hyperspeed" (one word). I think it's clear it's a specific way of flying and not just "very fast speed".

  • Since she already apologized for the landing a couple of sentences ago, the word "landing" seems a bit repetitive.

    In the first panel, she’s apologising to Schichimi, and in the second panel she’s apologising to Carrot. But I agree (i.e., use ‘the dramatic entrance’ in the first panel).

  • I'm not finding an issue with the repetition here. This isn't a term paper. 😁

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<unknown>|5|False|And again sorry to everyone for the inconvenience...
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<unknown>|6|False|...and as for how I'm dressed.
  • ...and as for how I'm dressed... (as though she's being interrupted)

  • sorry for [...] and as for how I'm dressed.

    OK, I’m not an English speaker, but should the ‘for’ really be here? It sounds wrong to me. Shouldn’t it be just ‘and for how I’m dressed’?

    You can use ‘as for’ in the beginning of a sentence, e.g. ‘As for how I’m dressed, I have my reasons.’, but then it means ‘with reference to’/‘regarding’/‘concerning’/‘when it comes to’. But here it’s not used in this way.

  • but then it means ‘with reference to’/‘regarding’/‘concerning’/‘when it comes to’.

    That's what Craig meant with his suggestion (as though she's being interrupted)... she was starting to tell her long story after all and doesn't get a chance to do it.

  • That's what Craig meant with his suggestion (as though she's being interrupted)... she was starting to tell her long story after all and doesn't get a chance to do it.

    OK. But then it’s a new sentence, so it should be ‘And as for how I’m dressed...’. But it doesn’t really fit with the image, does it? It doesn’t look like she’s being interrupted. So I prefer:

    And again sorry to everyone for the trouble...

    ...and for how I’m dressed...

    (Where the last ellipsis doesn’t indicate an interruption, just a trailing off.)

  • "and for how I'm dressed" doesn't work. "and as for how I'm dressed" is more natural. You need the "as". Another way to say this is "In regards to how I'm dressed".

    https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/as-for

  • "and for how I'm dressed" doesn't work. "and as for how I'm dressed" is more natural. You need the "as".

    OK, I guess I have to believe you, since you’re the native speaker. 😄 I just couldn’t (and can’t) find any examples where ‘as for’ is used in the middle (not the beginning) of a sentence. (And your link says it should be used ‘to begin talking about another subject which had been mentioned before’, which is not the case here.)

    Would ‘and for the way I’m dressed’ be better or worse?

  • I think the difference is that 'for' conveys purpose ("chopsticks are for noodles"), whereas 'as for' conveys aspect ("and as for slippery food like noodles, I like to use chopsticks"). I could be wrong, since being a native speaker gives you an intuition into 'ungrammaticalness', not actually insight into how the language works at a base level, haha. In fact, someone ESL/EFL has probably thought about those details more.

    But yeah, Pepper is using 'as for' to sort of awkwardly segue into explaining her odd appearance. I agree it may be a bit too awkward. "And regarding my garb" perhaps?

  • "And as for how I'm dressed" is natural. "And for my next trick" is also natural. Using the "And" in both cases is one of those little things we do over here to draw attention, even if they're two disparate thoughts.

    Trust me. 😸

  • I think it should be "And as for how I'm dressed--" as though she's interrupted, but then something needs to convey this in the drawing as well. To me, it's not clear what exactly it interrupting her.

    Another option is for her to just say "and sorry for how I'm dressed" (without "as", and no interruption), since I'm not really sure she is interrupted at all... But it's also not clear to me why she'd apologise for how she's dressed, although I do think this should definitely be mentioned.

    Perhaps Coriander should ask her about it (and she'd say something like "I'd explain later")?.

  • "as for" definitely works. I'm not a native speaker, but I am familiar with it and it sounds very natural to me.

  • This will hopefully be my last comment here. 😄 I think we may have been talking past each other. To clear up, even for me as a non-native speaker, “And as for how I’m dressed, …” sounds correct, and “And for how I’m dressed, …» sounds completely wrong and ungrammatical. My comments, though, have been been about the case where “as for” is used in the middle of a sentence, which to my non-native ears sounded a bit strange. (But I’ll be happy to recalibrate them.) So can you / a native speaker confirm that:

    Sorry to everyone for the inconvenience and for how I’m dressed.

    is ungrammatical/wrong, and that it should/must be:

    Sorry to everyone for the inconvenience and as for how I’m dressed.

  • I see what you're saying.

    "Sorry to everyone for the inconvenience. And as for how I’m dressed..." is the best way to express this.

    At the very least, having a comma is required.

  • The ... at the end are important here for the grammar ;)

  • 😇 Ok, I'll try on this topic of and as for how I’m dressed... to do something for alpha3. I hope it will work:

    And again sorry to everyone
    for the trouble...
    
    ...and as for 
    how I’m dressed...
    Edited by David Revoy
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<unknown>|7|False|Shichimi,
<unknown>|8|False|this young witch who has arrived, is she really a friend of yours?
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### P04
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Yes, your highness.
<unknown>|2|False|Her name is Pepper, from the School of Chaosah.
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<unknown>|3|False|Her presence here pollutes the sacred nature of our school.
<unknown>|4|False|Get her out of my sight, immediately.
<unknown>|5|False|But...
<unknown>|6|False|Master Wasabi...
<unknown>|7|False|But what?
<unknown>|8|False|Would you prefer to be banished from our school?
<unknown>|9|False|! ! !
### P05
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|Sorry Pepper, but you need to leave.
<unknown>|2|False|Now.
<unknown>|3|False|Huh?
<unknown>|4|False|Hey hey hey, wait a minute! I'm sure there's a misunderstanding.
<unknown>|5|False|Please Pepper, don't make this difficult.
<unknown>|6|False|Hey! You there, on the throne. If you have a problem with me come down and tell me yourself!
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<unknown>|7|False|Tsss...
<unknown>|8|False|Shichimi, you have ten seconds...
<unknown>|9|False|nine...
<unknown>|10|False|eight...
<unknown>|11|False|seven...
<unknown>|12|False|ENOUGH, PEPPER! GO AWAY!!!
<unknown>|13|False|SHRRIiii!
### P06
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|B ADuuM!
<unknown>|2|False|Shichimi, please calm d...
  • -<unknown>|2|False|Shichimi, please calm d...
    +<unknown>|2|False|Shichimi, please calm do...

    By giving another letter it's more clear what she wants to say.

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<unknown>|3|False|GO AWAY!!!
<unknown>|4|False|GO AWAY!!!
<unknown>|5|False|GO AWAY!!!
<unknown>|6|False|C R E E E E E!!!
<unknown>|7|False|Ouch!
<unknown>|8|False|He! That's... n-NOT... Owww... Nice!
  • -<unknown>|8|False|He! That's... n-NOT... Owww... Nice!
    +<unknown>|8|False|Hey! That's... n-NOT... Owww... Nice!
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<unknown>|9|False|SHICHIMI! PEPPER! PLEASE STOP!
<unknown>|10|False|Wait.
<unknown>|11|False|Hmm!
<unknown>|12|False|Grrr!
<unknown>|13|False|OK, you asked for it!
<unknown>|14|False|B R Z OO!!
### P07
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|CURSUS CANCELARE MAXIMUS!!!
<unknown>|2|False|S H K L AK!
<unknown>|3|False|Ouch!...
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<unknown>|4|False|PAF!!
<unknown>|5|False|Even your best cancellation spell had no effect on me!
  • I prefer ‘has’ to ‘had’ here. If you write ‘had’, it sounds a like the past, as if she used the spell yesterday, or three weeks ago. Or that Pepper tried many different spells and that even the best of them had no effect.

  • (there's also 'has had' which makes it clearer where the word is being used for tense versus as a modal)

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<unknown>|6|False|Give up, Pepper, and go away!
<unknown>|7|False|Stop making me hurt you!
<unknown>|8|False|Oh, my cancellation spell worked just fine, but you weren't the target
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<unknown>|9|False|Huh?
<unknown>|10|False|What do you mean?!
### P08
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|?!!
<unknown>|2|False|She was the target!
  • Suggestion: ‘I was aiming at her!’? Then you avoid using the word ‘target’ twice in a row.

    (I guess just ‘She was!’ could also work, but there are two intermediate panels that separates Pepper’s two lines of dialogue, so that’s perhaps not ideal?)

  • For this one, I'll keep "She was the target"; I think the repetition of 'target' is effective here to build-up the relation of events with what happened two speechbubble before.

    But in general, I agree to add variety of words as much as possible and thank you for finding this one.

    Feel free to suggest it again at alpha3, it probably need more minds around this case.

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<unknown>|3|False|I just canceled her Glamour Spell which keeps her looking young while it is no longer the case!
  • "I just canceled her Glamour Spell, which keeps her looking young"

    (I'd leave it there)

    "which is no longer the case!" (if you absolutely need the rest)

  • I think ...no longer the case sounds stilted. which she is not? I can't think of anything better right now. Dropping that bit should be fine, as the information is transported by the images.

  • Yes, I think we need to add this part to the sentence (to tell audience Wasabi is already old)

    which she is not sounds good.

    ...no longer the case is really a 1:1 ce n'est plus le cas French expression; so no surprise it doesn't really work.

    Edited by David Revoy
  • I think ‘I just canceled her Glamour Spell, which keeps her looking young.’, without the ‘which she is not’ is fine. It’s obvious from the images that she’s no longer young. (If she were young, why would she need a spell that kept her looking young?)

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • I too am in favour of just dropping the "while it is no longer the case". It's clear what's happening here without it.

  • Ok, I'll remove the last part 😸 Shorter is better!

    🤞 I'll make the artwork works.

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<unknown>|4|False|I noticed this spell when I got here.
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<unknown>|5|False|It's a small token of what you deserve for making Shichimi fight me!
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<unknown>|6|False|INSOLENCE!
<unknown>|7|False|How dare you,
<unknown>|8|False|and in front of my whole school!
<unknown>|9|False|Consider yourself lucky!
<unknown>|10|False|If I had all of my energy I wouldn't have stopped there.
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### P09
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|DRZOW!!
<unknown>|2|False|I see. You have reached the level of your predecessors much earlier than I expected...
<unknown>|3|False|This accelerates my plans, but this is good news.
  • This accelerates my plans, but this is good news. → This accelerates my plans, but that is good news. [That is, change the second ‘this’ to a ‘that’.]

    The first ‘this’ refers to Pepper having reached the level of her predecessors earlier than expected. The ‘that’ refers to the plans being accelerated (because of Pepper’s abilities).

  • Has she really reached the level of her predecessors, though? It seems a bit excessive to me...

  • The question is, what does Wasabi mean, her power or her attitude? If she means the attitude, she could say "descended to" or something similar instead of "reached".

  • I think it's a little of both; chaos witches seem to establish their abilities on the basis of being able to flow with unpredictability and guide it with their Rea (see: how the godmothers reconstructed Pepper's house). As self-appointed bastion of level-headed order (to the level of stiflement), Wasabi views this inherently as a threat. She knew the godmothers were raising Pepper as their replacement per the treaty, and she also knew/suspected they were preparing her for independence and possible opposition to Ah hegemony, so she is wary of Pepper as she grows up; she anticipates that eventually she will need to deal with her directly. Provoking her into causing a disturbance is her way of starting this (to her mind) inevitability.

  • Ok for 'that'.

    @ArloJamesBarnes is right, also the diagnosis of Wasabi is not too excessive.

    For a hint: Pepper really can on the same day now use magic to get a cosmetic aura (ep32), influence a full battle (ep33), travel at hyperspeed(ep34), cancel a spell of Wasabi(ep34), and leave in hyperspeed again (ep34).

    This with the mindset of being defiant to autorities, her 'thinking outside of the box' in the battle...

    Wasabi also discover her new clothes that are more in sync with what she knows about Chaosah. All in all something very different from the Pepper she met last time at Coronation of Coriander episode 28, envying her friends then dancing.

    Wasabi is also really happy things are moving and she might has a bias here. Anyway, Pepper is enough ready for her plans, you'll see on ep36/ep37 😉

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<unknown>|4|False|Your plans?
<unknown>|5|False|So, if I'm understanding you correctly you were testing me and this had nothing to do with me being late?
  • So, if I'm understanding you correctly, you were testing me and this had nothing to do with me being late?

  • me being late -> my being late

  • And a comma after ‘me’ (‘you were testing me, and this had nothing to do with my being late’).

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • To me, "if I'm understanding you correctly" sounds a bit odd. I think "If I understand correctly" is better, or perhaps something else.

  • Another suggestion:

    I get it now, so you were just testing me and this had nothing whatsoever to do with my being late!

  • "If I'm understanding you correctly... " is more clear, as it's related to Pepper understanding the statement of Wasabi. It relates her understanding to what Wasabi just said, not the situation as a whole.

  • Hmm, is the ‘If I’m understanding you […]’ part really necessary? How about shortening it to just:

    So you were just testing me, and this had nothing to do with my being late?

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<unknown>|6|False|You are really twisted!
  • I liked the earlier suggestion of ‘off your rocker’.

  • Unless we're doing a cartoon set in the 1980s then "off your rocker" isn't anything that would be in the current lexicon. Most of that came about from the idea of old women sitting in rocking chairs knitting (see Looney Tunes cartoons). Unfortunately they don't show those as much anymore, so "off your rocker" isn't going to track well for a younger audience.

  • Unfortunately they don't show those as much anymore, so "off your rocker" isn't going to track well for a younger audience.

    Fair enough.

    (BTW, according the various Internet sources, the etymology of the expression isn’t clear.)

  • So, that's where I picked up that expression 😂

    How about "cuckoo bananas"?

  • Twisted also has a sinister meaning, not just being crazy. Yes, her gesture is that of being crazy, but both can work in tandem to convey that she's sinister and deranged.

  • "twisted" is fine, I'm just trying to find something more slangy/disrespectful.

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<unknown>|7|False|tee...
<unknown>|8|False|hee.
<unknown>|9|False|WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?!!
<unknown>|10|False|I WAS JUST ATTACKED AND YOU DO NOTHING BUT STAND THERE!?! GET HER!!!
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<unknown>|11|False|I WANT HER ALIVE!
  • I find this line a bit confusing. Would the people that Wasabi’s shouting to assume that she wanted Pepper killed if she didn’t specify that she wants her alive?

  • Well noticed 😉 This one is special for the dragons who have a bit less humanity and really can't accept Wasabi got hit. Something that's necessary for how Arra (the dragon that chase Pepper at the end) will manage her agressive behavior on episode 35 and escape the "why she doesn't just bite Pepper?".

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<unknown>|12|False|GET HER!!!
<unknown>|13|False|Shichimi, we'll have to talk about this later!
<unknown>|14|False|Carrot, hold on tight!
<unknown>|15|False|I’m sorry, but we have to take off at Lightning Speed.
  • I’m sorry, but we'll have to take off at Lightning Speed again.

  • Nice, I like how the final "again" works here.

  • It’s sounds a bit strange that Pepper first tells Pepper to hold on tight and then tells him that they have to take off. How about changing the order of the two lines? Suggestion:

    I’m sorry, Carrot, but we'll have to take off at Lightning Speed again.

    Hold on tight!

    Edited by Karl Ove Hufthammer
  • Hmm, I could be wrong, but since "Lightning Speed" is a spell, I think it makes more sense to write "I'll have to use Lightning Speed again" than say "we'll have to take off at lightning speed"...

  • take off using lightning speed?

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<unknown>|16|False|Tap!
<unknown>|17|False|Tap!
<unknown>|18|False|Ziioo OO!!
### P10
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|? !
<unknown>|2|False|GET HER!!!
<unknown>|3|False|...Oh dear.
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<unknown>|4|False|Pepper, use my broom!
<unknown>|5|False|Fizzz!
<unknown>|6|False|...Oh wow! Thank you, Saffron!
  • Oh wow! Thank you, Saffron!

  • To me, the hearts around Carrot's eyes seem a bit out of place with the dark atmosphere of the situation, and since a moment later he looks frightened.

  • Yeah, I agree. His role seems often to add a little exaggeration à la mimestry, but perhaps a 'whew' relieved face would fit better.

  • Thank you for the feedback. Noted! I'll see what I can do later at coloring (I'll remember); but if you see the heart-eyes back; it would mean I tried and couldn't find anything that I can draw with this view angle.

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<unknown>|7|False|Toc!
<unknown>|8|False|zioo O O O O!!
  • Hm. Change to one or three exclamation mark? Two looks like a off-by-one error. :)

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<unknown>|9|False|TO BE CONTINUED...
### P11
Name|Position|Concatenate|Text|Whitespace (Optional)
----|--------|-----------|----|---------------------
<unknown>|1|False|You too can become a patron of Pepper&Carrot and get your name here!
<unknown>|2|False|Pepper&Carrot is entirely free/libre, open-source and sponsored thanks to the patronage of its readers.
<unknown>|3|False|For this episode, thanks go to %%%% patrons!
<unknown>|4|False|Check www.peppercarrot.com for more info!
<unknown>|5|False|We are on Patreon, Tipeee, PayPal, Liberapay ...and more!
<unknown>|6|False|Thank you!
<unknown>|7|False|Did you know?
<unknown>|8|False|March xx, 2021 Art & scenario: David Revoy. Beta readers: (to update) Arlo James Barnes, Craig Maloney, GunChleoc, Hyperbolic Pain, Karl Ove Hufthammer, Martin Disch, Nicolas Artance, Quetzal2, Valvin. English version (original version) Proofreading: (to update) Craig Maloney, GunChleoc, Karl Ove Hufthammer, Martin Disch. . Special thanks: to Nartance for exploring Wasabi character in his fan-fiction novels. The way he imagined her for sure had a big impact on my way to depict her in this episode. Based on the universe of Hereva Creator: David Revoy. Lead maintainer: Craig Maloney. Writers: Craig Maloney, Nartance, Scribblemaniac, Valvin. Correctors: Willem Sonke, Moini, Hali, CGand, Alex Gryson . Software: Krita 4.4.1, Inkscape 1.0.2 on Kubuntu Linux 20.04. License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0. www.peppercarrot.com
  • on my way to depict her → on the way I depict her

  • exploring Wasabi character → exploring the Wasabi character

  • "Special thanks: to Nartance for exploring the Wasabi character in his fan-fiction novels. The way he imagined her had a big impact on the way I depicted her in this episode."

  • I'd also replace the colon with "go" since it's not introducing a list of multiple items.

    And I'd say it's probably just "fanfiction" or "fan fiction" rather than "fan-fiction"...but that might just be an "email" versus "e-mail" quibble.

    Also "exploring Wasabi's character". She is a character, but she also has [a] character, which Nicolas was the first to start to develop ('characterise').

    Edited by Arlo James Barnes
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<unknown>|9|False|NOTE FOR TRANSLATORS Replace this section, e.g.: French version Translation: My Name. Proofreading: Other Name.
<unknown>|10|False|You can also translate this page if you want.
<unknown>|11|False|Beta readers help with the story, proofreaders give feedback about the text.
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